DATING IS NOT AMAZON

“Leah, if you could give one piece of advice to every single in this community, 25 or 75, Republican or Democrat, seeking long term or marriage and kids, man and woman, what would it be? What would you tell singles who find dating HARD. EXHAUSTING. and frankly NOT WORTH THE EFFORT.”

To say yes more than no.

That’s it. That’s the blog. I’m kidding… well kind of.

But honestly? After years of watching singles date across every age group, every background, every personality type, the pattern becomes painfully obvious. Most people are not losing in dating because there are “no good men” or “no good women.” They are losing because they have become experts at talking themselves out of possibility.

They say they want love, partnership, marriage, companionship, intimacy, connection.

And then:

“No, not my type.”
“No, too far.”
“No, too short.”
“No, too old.”
“No, too quiet.”
“No, too outgoing.”
“No, I already saw them on Bumble in 2022.”
“No, I think they liked one of my Instagram stories once and didn’t message me.”
“No, I don’t know… something feels off.”

What feels off is that modern dating has convinced people they should treat human beings like online shopping filters. And the irony? Most of the people making these snap judgments are deeply frustrated with dating themselves. At some point you have to ask:

If your system was working so brilliantly… why are you still here? (oooohhhh did she really just say that?)

She did. That’s not judgment. That’s perspective.

One of the biggest things I see in matchmaking is the amount of recycling in people’s options.

“Oh I matched with him on Hinge once.”
“She was on Bumble.”
“I think I saw him at another singles event.”
“I remember her profile.”

Okay. And?

Do you know how many incredible relationships probably never happened because two people reduced each other to a three-second app interaction three years ago?

People act like seeing someone on a dating app means they fully explored the possibility of that human being. Meanwhile the entire interaction was:
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
Silence.
Or maybe one awkward coffee date while both people were emotionally unavailable and exhausted from dating.

Groundbreaking.

You are not the same person you were two years ago. Neither are they. Yet people cling to old footage like it’s evidence in a murder trial.

“This didn’t work before.”
“This type never works.”
“I already tried that.”
“Men are all this.”
“Women are all that.”

No. Some people hurt you. Some situations failed. Some choices were bad. That is not the same thing as everybody being the problem except you. That’s the part nobody wants to hear. Sometimes the call is coming from inside the house. Sometimes you are so committed to protecting yourself from disappointment that you have unknowingly built a life where nothing new can reach you anymore.

And listen, I get it. Truly.

Dating is vulnerable.
It’s exhausting sometimes. Even EXPENSIVE.
People disappoint us.
Ghosting is real.
Apps can feel like psychological warfare.
You can invest time, energy, emotion, money — and still end up back at square one.

But what is the alternative?
Closing yourself off completely?
Repeating the same habits with the same types of people in the same environments while expecting a different outcome?

That’s not intuition.
That’s fear wearing a blazer and carrying a clipboard.

Sometimes the answer is not to become more selective.
Sometimes the answer is to become more open.

Say yes to the speed dating event.
Yes to being set up by friends.
Yes to matchmaking.
Yes to the activity you normally wouldn’t attend.
Yes to the coffee date with the person who looks “nice enough” but maybe not like the fantasy you built in your head.
Yes to the conversation.
Yes to letting people surprise you.

Because here’s the truth nobody tells you enough: Love rarely arrives looking exactly the way you imagined it would. And the people who do best in dating — at 25, 45, 65, 75 — are usually not the “prettiest” or richest or smoothest. They are the people willing to stay open.

The people willing to adapt.
Willing to laugh at themselves.
Willing to try differently.
Willing to stop treating every interaction like a life-or-death compatibility audit.

Sometimes you are one “yes” away from changing your entire life. But you’ll never know if your default setting is always no.

And before anyone says it — no, I am not telling you to ignore red flags, abandon standards, or date people who make you uncomfortable. Please. Use common sense. We are adults here.

I am saying stop worshipping perfection.
Stop assuming chemistry only comes one way.
Stop believing your soulmate must arrive wrapped in the exact packaging you pre-approved.

Because if dating apps and modern culture have taught us anything, it’s this:

Unlimited options have not made people better at connection.
They’ve made people better at dismissal.

And that? That is costing people real love.

Leah